i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
