TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
