My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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