I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All the doctor said was why
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
