there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
