I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
