They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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