I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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