Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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