Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
