i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
