What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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