you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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