Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
