just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
