i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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