I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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