We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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