it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
