I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
