if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
