I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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