YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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