grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
