she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
