all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
