so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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