Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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