Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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