i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
