She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
