there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
