My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
