you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Shame - the story of my life.
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