I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
