do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
