Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
