Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
