Someone shit on the floor
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
