So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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