Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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