I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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