It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They took my balls.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
