So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
