Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Randomize
