I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
