This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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