I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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