5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
