If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
