You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
