Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
