We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
